he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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