used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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