Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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