Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
