yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
