Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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