Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
