Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
