i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've blown a few things in my day
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize