is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
