woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
