I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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