My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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