I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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