What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
