OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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