bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
