i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
