She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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