new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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