I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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