I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
