Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
