I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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