we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
