That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
