I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
