How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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