Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
