Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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