I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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