Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
