Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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