I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
