I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
