The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
