She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
