There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
