Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
