omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
