so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
