Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
