I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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