You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
