thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
