If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize