Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
