he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
