You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
