So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
