help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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