Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize