I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
