i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
