then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
