He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
