i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
