i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
