Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize