yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize