Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
