i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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