i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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