With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
