if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
