In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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