Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize