I wannas sexs uuuuu
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
