we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
